TOP TEN: Lessons the German car industry can learn from MI

Seems our friends in the German car industry have run into a spot of schwierigkeiten (that’s trouble to you and me) with that pesky emissions malarky. Maybe they could do with a few pointers from some people with a 100 per cent record on emissions…

10. Start making cars out of endangered wood. Really take the Feds’ attention away from all that CO2

9. Next time tester says he can smell fumes, blame nearby drummer.

8. Refrigeration unit on exhaust = dry ice = rock n’ roll.

7. If car is noxious, blame it on poor set-up by retailer

6. Blame online retailers. Gotta try before you buy.

5. Just stick Slash’s name on it. Everyone will think it’s excellent.

4. Keep it friendly. Slip the guy some free strings and a bag. Sorted.

3. This is what happens when you fill in forms. Forms are for The Man. Don’t fill in forms.

2. Debunk the science. Keith Richards has been breathing in ten times that amount for years. Still plays five-a-side.

1. China. Just get everything made in China. You can trust those guys.