Top ten ways to cope with summer trading

We’ve come up with some handy hints to help see you through those dog days of summer.

10: Since time slows down next to the gravity created by large bodies, make summer pass quicker by employing much thinner staff.

9: Open a pop-up shop – in Barbados

8: Move shop to Scotland, where summer, like Nessie, is merely a myth

7: Sign up for a British Gas bolier service scheme. Your heating will break, they won’t repair it and winter will return instantly

6: Install chime that plays Greensleeves to let the kids know you’re open

5: Create that summer festival atmosphere by letting in kids from the local posh school to carp on endlessly about Florence and the Machine before throwing up on your uke display

4: Wait, that’s not helping is it?

3: Kids love a campfire, you can’t shift those new Gibsons…..

2: Pretend it’s December, get that tree up early

1: One word – mankini