We’ve come up with some handy hints to help see you through those dog days of summer.
10: Since time slows down next to the gravity created by large bodies, make summer pass quicker by employing much thinner staff.
9: Open a pop-up shop – in Barbados
8: Move shop to Scotland, where summer, like Nessie, is merely a myth
7: Sign up for a British Gas bolier service scheme. Your heating will break, they won’t repair it and winter will return instantly
6: Install chime that plays Greensleeves to let the kids know you’re open
5: Create that summer festival atmosphere by letting in kids from the local posh school to carp on endlessly about Florence and the Machine before throwing up on your uke display
4: Wait, that’s not helping is it?
3: Kids love a campfire, you can’t shift those new Gibsons…..
2: Pretend it’s December, get that tree up early
1: One word – mankini
